Run mediation between your reports in six steps, without changing their order.
Six steps
The order is fixed
Mediation is a structure, not a heart-to-heart. The steps:
1. One at a time. A separate conversation with each: the facts, their interests, their readiness for a joint meeting.
2. Ground rules for the joint meeting: we speak in turn, about the issue and the future, without labels. You're the facilitator, not the judge.
3. Each lays out their account. The other one restates what they heard until the first says, “yes, you've got it right.” The most underrated step: half the accusations fall apart when you have to restate them in your own words.
4. A list of shared interests: what matters to both — the release, not looking bad in front of the client, not working nights.
5. Options: first collect them without critique, then pick by the shared interests.
6. A written agreement: who does what, by what date, when we check in. Write it down and send it to both.
Swap the steps and you lose control: a joint meeting without the separate conversations turns into the war continuing in front of a witness.
The mediation protocol
- 1Step 1
Talk to each person separately
- 2Step 2
The joint meeting: ground rules for the conversation
- 3Step 3
Each lays out their account; the other restates it until “got it right”
- 4Step 4
List of shared interests
- 5Step 5
Options: first no critique, then selection
- 6Step 6
An agreement with dates — in writing, to both
Lesson notes
The order is fixed
Mediation is a structure, not a heart-to-heart. The steps:
1. One at a time. A separate conversation with each: the facts, their interests, their readiness for a joint meeting.
2. Ground rules for the joint meeting: we speak in turn, about the issue and the future, without labels. You're the facilitator, not the judge.
3. Each lays out their account. The other one restates what they heard until the first says, “yes, you've got it right.” The most underrated step: half the accusations fall apart when you have to restate them in your own words.
4. A list of shared interests: what matters to both — the release, not looking bad in front of the client, not working nights.
5. Options: first collect them without critique, then pick by the shared interests.
6. A written agreement: who does what, by what date, when we check in. Write it down and send it to both.
Swap the steps and you lose control: a joint meeting without the separate conversations turns into the war continuing in front of a witness.