Recognize the five strategies for handling conflict and the two axes that distinguish them.
Five ways to respond
The Thomas–Kilmann model
Every conflict has two axes: how much my result matters to me — and how much the relationship and the other side's result matter. Their combinations give five strategies:
• Competition — push your own way through: “we're doing it this way, and it's on me.”
• Accommodation — give in: “we'll do it your way.”
• Avoidance — step out of the argument: “not now” or “not worth it.”
• Compromise — split it: each side gives up part.
• Collaboration — look for a solution that covers both sides' interests.
None of them is “the right one” — each has its own cost and its own situations where it fits. The danger isn't a strategy but the habit of using only one: a manager who always pushes gets a silent team; one who always gives in gets a team where the loudest person decides; one who always avoids gets a warehouse of rotting conflicts.
Five strategies
| Strategy | Formula | Cost |
|---|---|---|
| Competition | “It'll be my way” | The relationship and other people's initiative |
| Accommodation | “We'll do it your way” | Your result; a tab keeps running up |
| Avoidance | “Not now” | The issue stays unresolved |
| Compromise | “Half for each of you” | Both are half unhappy |
| Collaboration | “Let's find a third solution” | Time and effort to work it through |
Lesson notes
The Thomas–Kilmann model
Every conflict has two axes: how much my result matters to me — and how much the relationship and the other side's result matter. Their combinations give five strategies:
• Competition — push your own way through: “we're doing it this way, and it's on me.”
• Accommodation — give in: “we'll do it your way.”
• Avoidance — step out of the argument: “not now” or “not worth it.”
• Compromise — split it: each side gives up part.
• Collaboration — look for a solution that covers both sides' interests.
None of them is “the right one” — each has its own cost and its own situations where it fits. The danger isn't a strategy but the habit of using only one: a manager who always pushes gets a silent team; one who always gives in gets a team where the loudest person decides; one who always avoids gets a warehouse of rotting conflicts.